it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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