you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
