happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize