Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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