Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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