Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
