This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
