mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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