Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
