Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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