She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
