Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
