I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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