she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My ATM looks so different sober.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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