WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
