I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
try to milk me bitch
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