grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
