I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm passing your future prison.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
