somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
