her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
