I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
