On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
