I'm passing your future prison.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
