i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
