and you said cock pushups were impossible
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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