The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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