Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
