It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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