I wanna passion pit in your ass
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i think i just lost a toe
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
