You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
