you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
