normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
