my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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