She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
