hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
