omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
