I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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