I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
