i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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