i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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