Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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