my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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