i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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