i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Even the bartender felt bad for me
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
