She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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