butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
