The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
