sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
