sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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