so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
