weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
