She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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