You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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