my being single is dangerous.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
