And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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