you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
