can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
