So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just had sex bonerless
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
