you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
