You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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